This is not necessarily the Worst Horror Films Ever, but the Worst films I’ve had the displeasure to watch or review for this website
I’ve been doing this blog for a while now (Like 5 years) and wathcing horror movies for a lot longer (Since the 90’s). One question I’ve been asked a few times is “What are the worst horror films you’ve ever seen?” In writing this blog for the last 5 years I’ve had to endure some real stinkers. Anyway here goes with the worst steamers I’ve ever seen passed forth from the bowels of hells cutting floor. You’ve bene warned!
HOUSE OF DEAD
Based on the popular (late 90’s vintage) video game of the same name, House of the dead is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. The acting is lame. The zombies are even lamer. It’s worse than a kids dress up party. On the plus side there are some quite righteous boobies on display. Unfortunately that’s all this movie has going for it. What I can’t work out is how a game so good translated into a movie so bad? It was kind of a gimme. With the game being the hit it was success should have been predetermined. All they had to do is make a few zombies and not fuck it up.
Oh dear lord, this was shit. Gag is meant to be torture porn in the vein of other quite reasonable movies like HOSTEL or SAW. It doesn’t hold a candle to either of those movies. The story involved a pair of burglars breaking into a house and finding themselves in the middle of a sick serial killers fantasy. Not a bad plot actually. But as fate would have it, beyond shit screen play and no acting talent whatsoever made this unwatchable. I got bored and started playing with my phone. I couldn’t sit through the whole thing. Avoid at all costs Full Review Here
CHILDREN OF THE LIVING DEAD
Another stinker of epic proportions. Children of the Living Dead attempts to cash in on the legacy of Night of the Living Dead by using a similar font and name. the worst thing about it is, special effects legend Tom Savini was involved in this movie. Tom did the special effects and even made an appearance as a supporting role character. Did he really need the money that badly? Why did he drag his own legacy through the mud like this? Another story line that was lame as all hell. The camera work was horrible, the colours in the film were off (this could have been the pressing) and the plot held no interest what so ever. I couldn’t make it through to the end of this one. Grim. Full review here
BATCHELOR PARTY MASSACRE
How does one even make a movie this lame? Batchelor Party Massacre could have been solid B grade material if handled in the right way. Shithouse acting and camera work basically conspired to bury it before it started. A film like this could have salvaged a few points if it had some giant bouncing titties or cool gore scenes but all we had was what looked like high school horror effects and crack whore hookers. Just not worth anyone’s time in any way. Full review here
DAY OF THE DEAD – CONTAGIUM
Another filthy con artist trying to rip off the legacy of George Romero’s legacy. We probably all know the movie “Day of the Dead”. Great movie. Here we have another shitty, z grade excuse for zombies to run around with no effort put into it, or the special effects. No acting skills are on display and featuring a plot I can’t even remember right now. To add insult to injury they’ve used the “Day of the Dead” logo and probably registered it as “Day of the Dead: Contagion” to avoid being sued (which they should have been) but still being able to cash in on the legacy of the greatest zombie franchise ever. Poor form guys. Full review here
ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN
Another In the list of Worst Horror Films ever. Oh dear this was horrible. There. The plot itself wasn’t too bad. It could have fitted nicely in to the bottom end of the B grade category. But again amateurish production, and some of the most annoying characters ever made this one hard to watch the whole way through. I did finish it but i felt like I’d actually lost 20 IQ points by the time I did.
Some other movies which I found horrible to watch but never got round to reviewing were Zombie Nation and BLACK DALIAH both by Ulli Lommell. Both are also well worth avoiding.
Some others you may have noticed in the top graphic that were horrible was The bloody Summer of Sam, Satan’s Little Helper, and Big Tits Zombie. Most of the same reasons apply for this, just amateurish filming and plot development, shit house acting and production. With Big Tits Zombie I was esepcially disappointed in the fact that none of the Zombies were particularly well endowed as the title suggests. In fact I think I hate everything I’ve ever seen from this guy. Some level of gore and extremity in these films are present but nothing that could make you sit through an hour and a half of said drivel. Only thing these could be good for is is you need back ground violence on the television for some reason.
Thank you dear reader for putting up with this rant. Sometimes you need to get somethings off your chest. I feel like I’ve had a chance to vent. If you see any of these movies on sale anywhere, best avoid. Or buy them for someone you really hate.
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