There’s been a trend of late to pick up expired trademarks or copyrights to Intellectual property that have expired. This means that in the case of Goldilocks and the Three Bears anyone can legally produce a movie based on the concept. This can be good or bad. The problem with allowing anyone use to a concept you get just that… Anyone.
THE VERDICT
Director Craig Rees picked up this opportunity to rake in some cash off a beloved childhood tale, and basically turned it into a big stinking pile of shit. This is honestly one of the worst, if not the worst horror movies I’ve ever seen (and believe me, I’ve seen some stinkers). Not good. There is nothing that redeems this film at all. The camera work is subpar, the plot had some potential but there’s a fair few gaping holes and breaks in the continuity which make the movie hard to follow for anyone that does sit through it, and the acting is deadpan. I’m not sure what the budget for this film is but whoever gave this guy money really needs their heads read.
THE PLOT
The plot itself had some potential. If follows a group of young adults who are getting away for a weekend and arrive at the wrong house. They can’t get in touch with the host of the house they were meant to stay in so decide to break into the house they’ve arrived at. Unfortunately it is owned by four serial killers one dressed up as Goldilocks and the other three as the bears. The quartet play mind games with their uninvited guest before eventually taking them out one by one. Does any one survive? More importantly does anyone care? I lost interest in this film early on and just stuck it out in the hopes of seeing some good gore but was dissappointed there too. The shame about films this bad is that it usually wouldn’t have taken a lot of work to lift up to an at least semi-acceptable level, but this is just half assed as all hell.
I could go on a lot more about the plot inconsistencies and what not but there’s no point. This is basically an hour and bit of life that you can’t get back if you decide to watch it. Luckily I saw this on streaming so I didn’t hand over money for a physical copy or I’d be even more pissed off than I am now.
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